Sunday 25 September 2016

Movie Goofs - Jurassic Park III (2001)

The Jurassic Park series, despite being of the most treasured in film history, isn't really one of the highest ranking from a critical perspective; it's only the original that has garnered widespread acclaim, while its sequel, even the recent more Jurassic World, receiving generally mixed reactions overall.

The third entry is seen by most as the very worst and is also the lowest grossing at the box office; and, of course, is one that boasts a plethora of daft plot holes within its tacky narrative...,

  • The Kirby's method of getting Alan Grant to follow them onto the island involved the them faking a huge family business when, in actual fact, all they do is run a small plumbing company. As a result, a cheque they penned to Grant to bribe him into coming with them is of course rendered useless, but this all leads to one curious query: why on Earth did Grant not research this so called "Kirby Enterprises" conglomerate and actually cash in the fake cheque before going on this dangerous mission? That would've saved him an awful lot of hassle...
  • Referring back to this, the reason the Kirby's decided to bring Grant with them is because they thought he knew the island inside out due to his previous ordeals. Except, well, one key problem: Grant was in fact on the other dinosaur island, Isla Nublar, during said ordeals. Grant published a book regarding the experience so it wouldn't have been too hard to learn this. The Kirby's even mention that Grant's book is what convinced them that he's the right man, which just further exemplifies their irrational idiocy.
  • Bellowing into a megaphone as loud as possible isn't the smartest thing one should do while on an island full of free roaming, man eating dinosaurs. The character's do eventually acknowledge this, but to be perfectly willing to do it in the first place is absolutely moronic.
  • The Spinosaurus, strangely desparate to chase the main characters endlessly despite having much bigger things to hunt and snack on, is able to ram through a barbed, incredibly thick steel fence with no visible wounds or injuries. That's ridiculous enough, but this ludicrous strength suddenly tanks as its efforts to smash apart a rusty old door outside a rusty old building fail miserably. 

  • The invincibility of the satellite phone is absolutely absurd. After being swallowed up by the Spinosaurus, it's still audible from within the dinosaur's belly and from a great distance, and even still functional once pulled out of the dinosaur's soaking wet excrement god knows how many hours later. Perhaps it's a Nokia of some sort...there's no other explanation one can fathom really.
  • After reacquiring this strange looking Nokia device, Alan calls Ellie for help and she immediately obliges, somehow managing to convince the Navy and Air Force to send as much of their squad as possible to rescue a bunch of nobodies who willingly and illegally went to the forbidden dinosaur island. Why would they even bother?
  • Why does a man stand on the beach before the arrival of the military just to call out the names of the main characters? It's an amusing reveal but doesn't quite make sense. Could you imagine watching them devise a plan involving a man wandering onto a dinosaur ridden island and yelling as loud as he could, completely unaided or without protection? And him being totally cool with it?
  • Such a relaxing finale: John Williams' memorable score, the gorgeous sunset, and three pterosaurs who just tried to drown and feed the characters to their babies soaring off into the horizon to "find a new nesting grounds", as Grant says with a pleased look. Why nobody is not even a little bit concerned about this is beyond me. So are we cool with letting savage cloned dinosaurs live amongst us now?

Thanks for reading!